3 Biblical Ways to Love your Mate Like Jesus

The Bible is a book of love. It is God’s love story to those who believe in Him. His desire is that everyone would understand how much He loves them and would choose to love Him back and seek to live by the principles in His Word. The most amazing thing about God’s love is that it is an eternal, unstoppable love to those who put their trust in Him (Romans 8:38-39).

Jesus is the embodiment of God’s love to us. The Bible teaches us that God is love (1 John 4:16) and that Jesus came to die on a cross to demonstrate that love to us (Romans 5:8; John 3:16-17). If you look at Jesus’ life and ministry, you can glean some key insights on what love is and how to demonstrate it to one another.

Since marriage is one of the closest relationships on earth, it is important to know how to love your spouse well. By examining Jesus’ life and ministry laid out in the Scripture, we can learn some ways to model that kind of love to our spouse.

1. Jesus’ love is unconditional.

The Bible gives multiple examples of Jesus taking time to care for those around Him even when He was tired or had reasons not to love them. When Jesus loved others, there were no strings attached or expectations that those around Him loved Him the same way. This was often demonstrated in the miracles of healing that He performed (Matthew 14:14). He commanded the disciples to let children come to Him (Matthew 19:14). He touched lepers (Mark 1:40-41). He sought out those who were destitute and desperate and didn’t expect them to give Him the same love back (John 5:5-9). The biggest example of someone that Jesus loved who did not love Him the same is Judas Iscariot. Even on the night that He was betrayed, Jesus washed Judas’ feet. He knew what was in Judas’ heart, but He did not ignore or pass him by but instead served and blessed Judas despite knowing what would happen next (John 13:1-5). 

In marriage, it is easy to fall into a selfish trap of thinking that in order to love our spouse, they must deserve it. It is not unusual to feel distant and think that our spouse is not showing love, affection, or even concern for us, so why should we show love to them? We often give love with an expectation as to what we will receive from our spouse. “I will love you, so that you will love me” is a selfish mentality. Instead we should be willing to serve like Jesus did, no matter how our spouse responds to us. That level of laying down our lives demonstrates a love and compassion that the world (and possibly your spouse) will not understand or be able to explain. But loving like Jesus did, means there are no strings attached and no expectations. 

Practical ways to do this: 

• Go out of your way to serve your spouse their favorite meal 
• surprise them with a gift that shows they are important to you.
• Invite them to take a break from cooking dinner and enjoy a nice date at a restaurant
• Have their favorite beverage waiting for them when they come home from work
• Offer them a few minutes to unwind when they get home

2. Jesus taught that forgiveness was at the heart of love.

Jesus is the perfect example of forgiveness. When He was dying on the cross, He said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). He taught His disciples that they needed to forgive rather than sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-24). He said that if they did not forgive their brother, then neither would their Father in heaven forgive them (Matthew 6:14-15). The Bible also teaches that if you hate someone in your heart, then you do not love God (1 John 4:19-21). If you hate someone, then you harbor resentment and bitterness toward them and probably need to forgive them.

Forgiveness in marriage is vital! If you are unable to forgive your spouse for what they have done, then your heart toward your spouse will become resentful and bitter. Sometimes forgiveness is needed every day, multiple times a day. But it is easier said than done when your spouse is not repentant or apologetic for the ways in which they are hurting you. That is why it is SO important to remind yourself to forgive like Jesus forgave you. He doesn’t hold your sins against you and you should not hold your spouse’s sins against them. Though difficult, it is also possible to forgive your spouse even if they do not acknowledge their wrongdoing. For more on that check out this article on forgiveness: https://marriagerescue.org/the-path-to-forgiveness-how-to-heal-deep-wounds-in-marriage/

Practical ways to work on forgiving:

• Pray for the person who wronged you (ask God to bless them and help them)
• Pray for yourself that God would heal you of the bitterness and resentment that you feel
• Replace your negative thoughts of revenge, harm, etc toward the other person with thoughts of peace and grace to them
• Remind yourself that you have been forgiven much, and God desires that you forgive too

3. Jesus’ love was selfless and sacrificial.

Jesus gave His life on a cross for our sins. That was the most clear example of sacrifice that one could give. He said greater love has no man than this, that He lay His life down for His friends (John 15:13) and that is exactly what He did. He put everyone else’s needs ahead of His own and even spoke to people that no one would have thought that He would (John 4:7, 27). He had the attitude that we are to model in that He emptied Himself of being God and instead agreed to suffer and die on a cross for the sins of mankind (Philippians 2:3-9). The part we are to model is humility that no matter who we are, we should put other people first. This is especially true in the marriage relationship!

The Bible also says that husbands should love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). This does not mean that husbands should literally lay down their lives by dying for their wives. But it does mean that they should metaphorically lay down their life. It means instead of looking out for yourself, consider what your wife needs. Put her first, make her a priority. Husbands, do not use the excuse that you are busy or that your job is more important. This is also true for wives. Wives should love their husbands and put their needs ahead of their own. If both husband and wife do this, it can be an amazing marriage of sacrifice and serving one another in love.

Practical ways to be selfless:

• Offer your spouse a break from what they usually do and do it for them (i.e. wash dishes, mow the lawn, do laundry, balance the budget, walk the dog)  
• Put your phone down when your spouse comes up to you to fully engage without distractions 
• Help with the kids instead of letting your spouse handle the baths, bedtime, dinner, etc.
• Don’t allow the pressures at work to interrupt your time with your spouse; make quality time a sacred time that other things do not trump

In marriages that are struggling, selfishness often takes the place of love. Even in healthy marriages, selfishness can creep in when we feel like our spouse is not loving us unconditionally. If we do not feel loved unconditionally, there will always be a temptation to make our love conditional as well. If we are not feeling loved, there is also the temptation to withhold affection or avoid or ignore what our spouse needs. We can become bitter over time and struggle to forgive as Christ has forgiven us.

It is important to guard yourself against these mentalities as it will slowly erode and destroy a marriage. Sometimes you can get so stuck that the unhealthy patterns you have created seem impossible to break. It can be done if you both are willing! If you and your spouse are stuck in an unhealthy cycle, we can help. Reach out to Marriage Rescue and let us teach you how to love like Jesus!