How Can I Tell if my Spouse is Cheating on me?

One of the most earth-shattering struggles a marriage can face is an affair.  We try to safeguard our marriages against cheating, but unfortunately, affairs can occur without warning.  If you can recognize the signs of cheating spouses, you may be able to confront it head on.


1. Suddenly stops showing interest in the Lord

If your spouse was a regular church-goer, used to pray or read the Bible and stops, they may feel too ashamed or guilty and want to avoid the things of God.

2. Doesn’t want to answer where they have been or who they have been with

There is rarely a good reason for a spouse to become secretive, cryptic about how they are spending their time.

3. Acts secretive with cell phone and computer

If a previously unprotected device like a cell phone or computer now requires a password, this may be a reason to suspect an issue of cheating spouses.

4. Stays out late or begins taking sudden out of town trips

This goes hand-in-hand with #2.  When your partner starts putting distance between the two of you, especially without good explanation, there is a chance something else may have his/her attention.

5. Becomes withdrawn and moody (private)

This is evidence of your partner trying to create emotional distance between the two of you (and perhaps the family). This could be because his/her emotional needs are being fulfilled elsewhere, or because they feel guilty or uncomfortable facing you.

How can I tell if my spouse is cheating on me?

6. Gets angry easily

A cheating spouse may go out of their way to pick fights, be disrespectful, or criticize.  If you are having trouble understanding why your partner has increased anger, your relationship may be in trouble.

7. Gets defensive easily

When someone inquires with a person who is being unfaithful, they often feel the need to come up with excuses to defend themselves, and this can make them feel cornered.  Sometimes the defensiveness comes without any provocation at all, and that’s a good sign that something else is going on.

8. Doesn’t show as much interest in the kids

When a person is having an affair, they are usually only thinking of one person: themselves. Cheating is a very selfish act, things that used to take priority often end up on the back burner.

9. Shows a change in sexual interest

This could mean that their desires have changed suddenly (for the better or worse) without explanation, or that they have little to no interest in sex with you.

10. Doesn’t explain withdrawal of money

Again, unless you have reason to expect a surprise, this could be a major cause for alarm.  Your partner may be spending the money or, worst case, trying to save up for a larger expenditure that he/she doesn’t want you to know about.

It is important to note that these behaviors could be exhibited for many reasons, and although people engaging in an affair often display the habits in this list, observing these signs does not guarantee that your spouse is being unfaithful.  If your partner exhibits the behaviors here, but you’ve eliminated an affair as the cause, your marriage may still need help.  Consider contacting a trusted marriage counselor to assist you and your spouse navigate through the issues you are facing.